Making Amends
by cordayrocksmysocksoff
Summary: Kerry finds herself missing Kim, but when something tramatic happens can they reunite and try again?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Kerry Weaver couldn't sleep. She missed her. Every day it hurt more. No one could replace Kim. Rolling over in bed Kerry spotted the alarm clock. It was three o'clock in the morning and she had to be at work in less than three hours. She needed her sleep, yet she couldn't. She hadn't been sleeping since Kim had been fired and had left the scene entirely. Kerry thought about all those nights they had shared together. The tears came when she realized that it was all over. No more late nights with Kim at her side, no more awkward mornings after, no more relationship. Damn Kim for finding someone else. It was as if she had moved on entirely without even thinking about how she affected Kerry.

Kerry slammed her fist into the pillow and rolled over on to her face, the tears falling more freely now. She just wanted Kim back. She wanted all the ridicule to go away at work and she wanted more than anything for Kim to walk in to that ER the next day and take her back. She wanted her to tell her that she and Lori were over and that she had made the wrong decision.

But that was not a possible situation. She knew for a fact that Kim Legaspi was not, in fact, coming back to County General. Ever.

She let the thought drop, however comforting it had been, and got up, grabbing her cane from the side of the bed. She used it to get her to the bathroom where she popped open a bottle of sleeping pills. She knew one would be too strong so she broke it in half, swallowed it and then went back to her bed, trying to go back to sleep. Finally the pill worked its way in to her blood stream and she fell fast asleep.

* * *

Kerry had to drag herself out of bed, in to a shower, and to work, arriving several minutes late. Those sleeping pills had really done the trick. If they hadn't of been drilling outside her apartment, she wasn't sure she would be awake. No one seemed to notice that she had gotten in late, and she tried to act natural about it, getting right back in charge of everyone, barking orders and throwing clipboards at doctors as they came by. She noticed Susan Lewis was back, good for her, and especially good for the ER. They had been down a few doctors lately so they sure could use Lewis. And she was an excellent doctor. 

"Susan, would you mind taking that patient in exam room three?" Kerry asked, handing a clipboard to Susan who was standing by the board, examining it.

"Sure." Susan took the clipboard and examined Kerry. "Are you all right Doctor Weaver?"

Kerry looked up from the stack of papers she was sifting through and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. Why?"

"Oh, I don't know. You look a little tired."

Kerry smiled, "aren't we all?"

"I suppose." Susan found Kerry's niceness rather strange. Something was definitely going on with her.

Kerry watched as Susan walked away and frowned; did she really look that out of it? Leaning on her cane, Kerry began walking towards the bathrooms. She looked at the patients around her. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. She wasn't focusing correctly, obviously. She really needed more sleep. Several doctors rushed past her and she noticed a woman lying on a gurney. She had blonde wavy hair.

Kerry's heart skipped a beat. She stood completely still, watching after the gurney. She could feel Kim's blonde wavy hair running through her fingers. What if that was Kim? Foolishly she found herself following the gurney as it went in to a trauma room. A nurse came out of the room and Kerry stopped her. "What's her name?"

"Shelley Pyser." The nurse said and then moved on down the hallway in search of some medical equipment.

Kerry took a deep breath and turned away, almost embarrassed by her little fantasy. She quickly went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. Her face was pale, she didn't look good at all. Turning on the sink, she splashed water on to her face and as she stood back up she could have sworn she saw Kim standing right behind her. But when she turned the image had disappeared.

What was wrong with her? Maybe she needed a physc consult. The very thought of such a thing reminded her that Kim had left the physc ward as well. She wasn't there any more.

Kerry dried her face on a paper towel and turned to leave but the opening of a bathroom stall revealed Elizabeth Corday with bloodshot eyes and tear stains on her cheeks. Both stood awkwardly, staring at the other, neither knowing what to say or do. "Doctor Corday?" Kerry asked, tilting her head sideways as she studied the red head.

Elizabeth in turn bit her lip, more tears welling in her eyes. "I'm sorry; I was just about to leave. I have to get back for a surgery, I just-" Her beautiful British voice trailed off as the tears fell. "I'm a mess; you shouldn't see me like this." Elizabeth turned away and got some paper towels, trying to dry off her face.

"No, no Elizabeth, it's okay." Kerry said, awkwardly moving towards Elizabeth. She put her hand on Elizabeth's arm who turned back to face Kerry.

"It's just so hard, you know?" Elizabeth cried.

"Shh, I know. Babies are hard work." Kerry moved Elizabeth so that she could lean against the sink cabinet.

Elizabeth nodded. "But it's not just Ella. Mark helps, but he just hasn't been his normal self, since…well…"

"Yeah." Kerry nodded, her hand automatically pushing some of Elizabeth's loose curls behind her ear.

Elizabeth took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "Damn, I'm supposed to be a surgeon, not some emotional mess."

"Maybe you should take some time off." Kerry suggested, feeling strangely generous.

"No, no, Robert wouldn't go for that. He wants me in surgery right now, and what am I doing? I'm hanging out in the ER bathroom to get away from it. I'm such a baby." More tears formed in her eyes as she talked.

"Shh." Kerry ran her hand down Elizabeth's arm, soothing her. She turned and walked in to a bathroom stall, grabbing some toilet paper for Elizabeth. "Don't worry about it; you're entitled to have these post pregnancy break downs. It's all very normal; I've seen it before in several pregnancies." Kerry assured her.

Elizabeth dabbed at her eyes with the toilet paper and then laughed. "I'm being so silly." She turned and looked in to the mirror, beginning to rearrange herself so that she didn't look as if she had been crying in the bathroom for the last half hour. She caught Kerry watching her in the mirror and smiled at her. "Thank you." Turning around to get some paper towels to dry her hands, she looked directly at Kerry, who appeared to be distant at the moment. "When you came in here, were you upset?" Elizabeth asked, remembering that Kerry had only come in and splashed water on her face. It appeared neither had actually come to the bathroom to use the bathroom.

"Oh, no." Kerry broke from her thoughts. She really did need to stop lying to everyone. "I was just tired; I had a long night last night."

"Oh, late shift?" Elizabeth looked perfect once again; one could hardly tell she had been crying only seconds before.

"No, I guess I couldn't sleep."

"I see, well if you ever need to talk I'm here." Elizabeth, finding Kerry somewhat a good confidant, offered.

"Well thank you, Doctor Corday." Kerry smiled.

"Elizabeth, please." Elizabeth smiled and then left the bathroom.

Kerry waited several minutes before heading out of the bathroom only to run in to Carter. "Doctor Carter, did you check that patient in room three?"

"The one complaining of back pain?" Carter asked. Kerry nodded yes. "I gave him some medication and sent him home. He should be fine."

"Good, we need more beds." Kerry walked on and went back to the front desk where she was usually stationed. There weren't many traumas that day, so she hadn't been that busy. She could use this time to catch up on some paper work which seemed to be piling up. She grabbed a folder and opened it, beginning to shift through papers when she heard the radio transmitter for the EMT's, which was used to report accidents say something about a "-woman, early thirties maybe. She's been hit by a truck and is having trouble breathing. Can I bring her there?"

Kerry quickly went over to the microphone, taking it from another doctor who was speaking in to it. "Yes, we can admit her." Turning, she found Abby. "Can you prep a trauma room; we have a crash victim coming in."

"Sure." Abby set down a chart she had been writing in and went to prep trauma room one.

Kerry didn't know why she was getting so worked up about this case. Grabbing her coat, since it was beginning to get cold again, she stepped out into the waiting dock, Carter following behind her. "I heard there's a crash victim coming in." He said, blowing on his cold hands and rubbing them together.

"Yeah." Kerry nodded and then turned to face him. "Are you on this case too?"

"I figured I would since all my others are doing okay." Carter shrugged.

"Good." Kerry nodded, stuffing her hands into her warm pockets. "She was hit by a truck."

"Do you know who it is?" Carter asked, noting a hint of empathy in Kerry's voice.

"No." Kerry answered plainly just as they heard an ambulance several blocks away.

"Here they come." Carter smiled, walking forwards a bit, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the ambulance. They watched silently as it backed in and once it had stopped moving Kerry went forward, pulling open the doors.

"Lori?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kerry remembered that face so clearly. She couldn't forget the face of the woman who had opened the door that cold day. The day Kerry had decided to tell Kim how she felt. No, she couldn't forget. She knew who it was. As she opened the ambulance door she saw her, plain as day. It was Lori.

Not only Lori, but… "Oh, my God." Kerry gasped. Kim lay on the gurney, her forehead bleeding, the side of her shirt ripped off, and blood, just everywhere. But her eyes would flutter open and then they would close.

"Kerry?" Kim's weak voice asked.

"Shh, don't talk." Kerry felt tears coming. Kim just laid there, her blonde hair spewed out everywhere, masses of blood caught in the waves. Kerry knew she couldn't help in this case, she just couldn't. "Carter, you're going to have to get someone else." Kerry said as they walked the gurney in to the hospital, heading towards the trauma room.

Carter was about to protest, but then he looked at Kerry and knew she wasn't ready to do this. He nodded and called for a nurse to find Luka. Kerry stayed with Lori right outside the trauma room, both focused on what was being done to Kim.

"We were just walking and then out of nowhere some bastard decided to run her over." Tears were streaming down Lori's face, but there was anger and contempt in her voice.

"Purposely?" Kerry asked, not taking her eyes off of Kim's face as the doctor's worked double time to save her.

"I think so, we were holding hands, you know. God, some people are so closed minded." Lori crossed her arms, having no better way to take out her anger.

Kerry just nodded. She went through the process in her head, watching as the doctor's played it out in front of her. She knew exactly when and what they would do next. The tears began falling over, and running down her cheeks.

"Is she going to be okay?" Lori demanded after a moment of silence.

Kerry watched for a moment more and then turned to Lori, "I'm not in a position to discuss that." She said coldly, trying to mask her tears, but they were too obvious.

"Hey, you're the dyke that didn't come out. Why do you care so much about her? If you really did then you guys would still be together." Lori cried, getting angrier by the second.

"Keep your voice down!" Kerry cried, noticing people were staring.

"No, you don't deserve to be here."

"I have just as much right to be here as you."

"Oh, really, then why are we still together and you guys aren't?" Lori demanded. Kerry knew she shouldn't get in to this fight, she should just walk away. Lori was experiencing post traumatic emotions. But Kerry had to defend herself.

"Okay listen here, Lori. I loved Kim. I loved her a lot. I didn't choose for her to leave me, I didn't want her too. I was dumb, yes I'll admit it, I haven't been straightforward about myself, but it just wasn't the right time. So back off." Kerry cried, the tears and anger blurring together. She noticed a small gathering around Lori and herself. They both glared at each other, but both were too emotionally drained to defend themselves any more.

"Kerry?" Carter had emerged from the room and Kerry turned abruptly. Carter looked at the two women and frowned. He decided he would talk to Kerry first because he had always suspected that something was going on between her and Doctor Legaspi. He would then get to the lover.

Carter pulled Kerry aside and out of ear shot. "How is she?" Kerry asked, knowing that by now her sexuality was no longer a secret and she had nothing to hide.

"We pulled her through. She'll be fine. A few ribs got smashed in the crash, but they'll heal." Kerry took a deep calming breath as she received the good news. Carter placed his hand on Kerry's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Kerry looked up at him and nodded through her tears. "Yeah." She nodded. "You'd better go tell Lori now. She'll probably care more since they're together."

Carter frowned. "Wait a minute. You care. I saw how you reacted when you saw it was her."

"Carter, please, stay out of this." Kerry had turned to leave.

"No, Kerry you need to at least talk to her when she wakes up."

"She won't want to." Kerry shook her head and began walking away from Carter, but he stopped her with a strong hand on her shoulder.

"Kerry, what is wrong with you?" He demanded. "You know I really didn't think you were as uncaring as they said you were, but now I'm beginning to think otherwise."

Kerry turned on him. "She left me, okay. She left because I wouldn't tell the whole world that I was a lesbian. There I said it. I am a lesbian." With that Kerry turned and hobbled down the hallway, avoiding the awkward stares, and went in to the doctor's lounge, collapsing on to the couch. She leaned forward, the tears flowing freely. It hurt so bad.

Moments later the door opened and in walked Carter who sat down beside her. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. It's mine." Kerry shrugged, the tears subsiding.

"When did it begin?" Carter asked, running his hand gently up and down her back.

"Around last Christmas. I bought her a watch." Kerry smiled, remembering back to that day. "She made a big deal about not wanting friends, but she did want a lover, and she wanted me." Kerry sat up now. Carter nodded. "We started off kind of rocky, but it worked, or it did until she didn't want it to be a secret anymore. She wanted to show me off in public, but I couldn't do it." Kerry gulped back some tears. "So she moved on."

"Oh, Kerry." Carter could only sit there. He wasn't sure he could or should say anything. "You really loved her, didn't you?" He finally asked.

She nodded yes. It hurt to just think about how much she loved Kim.

"Well can I page you when she gets up; you know if you change your mind?" Carter suggested. "She kept asking for you in the trauma room." Carter suddenly remembered how before she had fallen asleep, Kim had been asking for Kerry.

"She did?" Kerry smiled, wiping the tears off of her face.

"Yeah." Carter nodded. "So can I page you?"

Kerry got up and shrugged. "I need to get back out there." She turned back to Carter. "Thank you."

"No problem, any time." Carter shrugged, staying seated on the couch.

Kerry nodded and went out the door. Several attendings and nurses stared at her as she emerged from the lounge. "What are you all looking at, get back to work." Kerry barked, taking her spot behind a computer once again.

* * *

Her heart skipped a beat every time her pager went off. Finally after two hours she felt it shake and upon looking at it she found that Kim was awake. She had been for the past hour, but Carter had decided to wait until Lori had left before contacting Kerry, just in case. Kerry didn't know if she really wanted to do this, but she felt she at least needed to go in and see how Kim was. Setting down a chart, Kerry walked slowly to where the trauma rooms were. She could see Kim before Kim could see her, and she watched her as she sat in the bed, her eyes half closed, tired from all the surgery, and probably sore. Kerry wanted to go in there and gather her in to her arms, but she couldn't. She knew she had lost that privilege. 

Kerry moved closer to the door and she knew Kim could see her now. She pushed her way inside the doors and stood, awkwardly in front of them, and then methodically she moved to take the clipboard from the bottom of the bed. Flipping it open she began to review Kim's vitals and stats. "Kerry, you didn't come in here to be a doctor." Kim's voice, that beautiful voice, broke through the silence, surprising Kerry.

"I know." Kerry stuttered. "I came to see how you were. I was worried."

"So Lori tells me." Kim smiled that evasive smile.

"Listen Kim, I know we don't stand a chance anymore but I have to admit I really do miss you." Kerry moved a few steps closer, all though she was afraid to touch Kim.

Kim smiled even wider. "I miss you too." And reaching up, with an arm full of bruises and a needle for the IV, she stroked Kerry's face. Kerry took Kim's hand into her own and held it.

"I have to go. I'm sure Lori will be back in a little while." Kerry lay Kim's hand back down on the blanket and turned, leaving the room, a very puzzled Kim staring after her.

Carter caught her on the way out. "How'd it go?"

"She said she missed me." Kerry bit her lip.

"Really, is that good?" Carter asked.

"I don't know. She's still with Lori, so I don't know how good that is."

"Well I'm sure she'll come around." Carter shrugged just as Susan pulled him away to ask his advice on a patient.

Kerry, deep in her own thoughts, sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

That night Kerry once again fought to sleep. Kim's bruised face and sincere look when she told her she missed her too haunted Kerry. For a brief moment Kerry drifted off into sleep, dreaming of the trauma room and Kim lying there. It was a surreal fantasy. Kerry felt herself walking forwards, pushing Lori to the side, and approaching Kim. She saw herself leaning forward, kissing Kim's bruises and watching them disappear while Kim smiled at her. Soon Kim was better and she got up and began undressing Kerry, touching her.

Kerry was quickly jolted from her dream. She felt herself shake as she came to her senses. Turning in bed she found the spot beside her empty. No Kim in sight. She wondered if Kim was up in the ER and furthermore, she wondered if Lori had stayed the night with her. She sure hoped not. Crawling out of bed, Kerry rummaged through her drawers, coming across a crinkled shirt she had pushed to the back.

It had been Kim's. Kim had left some of her clothes at Kerry's place and she hadn't been around to pick them up. It wasn't as if Kim needed them anyway, her closet was packed full of clothes.

Kerry held the shirt to her, taking in Kim's aroma which lingered in the shirt's fabric.

Kerry knew she had to see Kim. She couldn't take another night without her. But she was also afraid of rejection, especially with Kim having a new girlfriend.

But Kerry had to see her, touch her, know that she was close by. Just knowing she was in the ER gave Kerry a strange, twisted comfort.

Kerry threw on some clothes, pulled on her coat and then headed out, on her way to the hospital. Even if Lori was still there she could still watch from afar. Heading out in to the cold winter night, Kerry pulled her coat tighter around herself. She was so tired; she didn't know why she was doing this, but she felt she needed to see her.

Kerry got in to her car and pulled out, heading to County General. Once she arrived she went inside. Several nurses looked at her strangely, knowing that Dr. Weaver wasn't supposed to be here at this late hour. Abby approached her first.

"Dr. Weaver, what are you doing here?" Abby asked, looking completely exhausted.

"I…um…" Kerry couldn't lie anymore. "I'm here to see Kim."

"Right now?" Abby's voice and expression were filled with disbelief.

Kerry nodded. "Do you know if that other woman who was with her left?"

"Oh, Lori. Yeah, I think she left a few hours ago. They got in to some big fight over something and Lori just stomped out." This information somehow relieved Kerry.

Nodding, Kerry thanked Abby before heading to the board where she located Kim. She found that the doctor's had given her her own private room. Kerry smiled, glad that Carter had been so considerate. She went off in the direction of the room, and as she approached it, she peered in to see if Kim was asleep. To her surprise she was not.

Kim was looking towards the wall, just staring at it. She looked like she was in pain. Kerry needed to get to her. She placed her hand on the knob, turning it slowly. The door clicked open and Kim didn't even turn at the sound. Kerry figured that Kim probably thought it was a nurse. She stepped in and closed the door behind her, then stood in the doorway, not sure what to do next.

Kim seemed to notice that whoever was at the door wasn't moving so she took a deep breath and turned, ready to ask the nurse what she was doing, but then stopped when she realized it was Kerry.

"Kerry, why are you…"

Kerry looked down and then approached Kim. Leaning down she planted a kiss firmly on Kim's lips, careful not to hurt her.

For a moment, after they parted, they stared at one another.

"What are you doing?" Kim asked, sounding a bit confused.

"I couldn't sleep." Kerry pulled up a seat beside Kim and took Kim's hand in her own. Kim allowed her to do so, but she was still skeptical as to what was happening.

"So you came here to see me?" Kim frowned, straining her neck to look at Kerry. God, her neck hurt so bad.

"Yes, I haven't been able to sleep since you left." Kerry admitted, kissing Kim's hand gently.

Kim took a moment to process this. She wasn't sure if she should give in to Kerry, or hold out; playing up the fact she now had a new girlfriend. "Why? Because I'm not there to play your secret lover at night?" Kim asked, looking forwards again.

"No, that's not how I thought of you." Kerry looked up at her, shaking her head no. "Kim, you mean everything to me. I was scared, you have to understand that. I was scared and stupid."

"Stupid," Kim smiled, "yes, stupid." Her voice was calm.

"Kim, please, you have to understand. I couldn't go to sleep tonight because I knew you were right here." Kerry was about to cry, Kim was being so unreceptive.

Kim sighed. "You don't need me Kerry. You're a big girl, you'll move on. You'll have other relationships."

"No!" Kerry practically screamed. "No, I don't want any other relationships! Kim, I want you." The tears were coming now. "I want you." She whispered, feeling defeated. Kerry laid her head against the side of the bed, letting the tears fall, allowing her hand to slip from Kim's grasp.

Kim looked at the red heads forehead and touched the crown of her head, feeling her soft short hair, running her fingers through it. She missed Kerry's hair. In fact she missed Kerry. That's what she and Lori had gotten in to an argument over. Kim was just afraid to admit she missed Kerry. Lori clearly could see it, but Kim refused to do so. But as she watched Kerry break down in front of her, her heart melted, she lost all her barriers and she just wanted to hold Kerry again, be with her.

But in the morning this could be another night. In the morning Lori would return, ready to see if Kim could be discharged. Lori would take her home and feed her breakfast and then watch after her. But what was that? That was just plain everyday boringness. Kim didn't want that. She had to admit she had enjoyed the thrill of being with Kerry, never knowing if Kerry would back out of a conversation if one of the doctors walked by. Their arguments were always followed by the best sex and Kim had to admit she missed being in charge. Lori always had to take over nowadays, and it was so predictable. With Kerry it seemed different every night, maybe it was because she still had to learn the basics. But sometimes Kerry would surprise Kim and take over; doing something that was so wrong, yet felt so good, and the two would collapse laughing after it was over.

She missed that. So why was she being so hard on Kerry?

"When do you think I'll be discharged?" Kim asked, still running her hand through Kerry's short, soft hair.

"Maybe in a day or so." Kerry said without looking up.

"Do you think you could get me out early?" Kim asked, looking hopeful.

Kerry looked up at this query. Why did Kim want to leave before she was supposed to? Did she so desperately want to get back with Lori? "Why?" Kerry asked, almost as if Kim was asking her to go away.

"I don't want to be here." Kim said, and then reached out stroking Kerry's face, "Kerry, I think Lori and I are over. She was a mistake anyway." Kim pressed her lips together. Her lips were really dry.

Kerry suddenly got it. Kim was giving her the second chance she wanted.

"I'll need a doctor to look after me." Kim smiled, looking at Kerry.

Kerry grinned. "Do…do you want to come stay with me?" She laughed, rather relieved.

Kim nodded, "I think it would be best." She ran her tongue across her chapped lips. "My lips are so dry."

Kerry smiled and sat forward, pressing her warm, moist lips to Kim's, their mouths moving together. Just then the door opened and Kim expected Kerry to pull away but she didn't. A nurse came in and stared awkwardly at the scene in front of her. Uncomfortably she began checking Kim's vitals as the kiss deepened, Kerry placing her hands on Kim's cheeks, careful of the bruises. As they parted, Kerry smiled. "I'll talk to Carter and see if I can get you out tonight," it was the next day after all, "and I'll take you home with me after my shift."

"Thank you, Kerry." Kim held on to Kerry's hand and looked, really looked at the poor, tired thing that stood in front of her. "You look worn out, dearie." Kim finally said. "I think you need sleep."

"Well there's no point in going home now. I'm on in less than two hours." Kerry groaned looking up at the clock on the wall. "And you need sleep too. I know you weren't sleeping when I got here."

Kim rolled her eyes and pulled Kerry to her, the best she could as she was very sore. "Rest here." Kim yawned, placing Kerry's head in her lap and stroking her hair. "It's not very comfortable but I don't want you to leave." She lay back and closed her eyes.

"Trust me, I don't want to." Kerry began drifting off into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"You little lying bitch. You lied." Kerry awoke to find herself staring at a very angry Lori. She had obviously come to see Kim, but had found her with Kerry.

"You're right." Kim was trying to stay calm. "You were right and I was wrong."

"Oh great, now she's awake." Lori screamed. "Listen, I'll just leave you two so that you can have a wonderful life together. Don't worry about it Kim, I'll get over you. You weren't that great anyway." And with that Lori left the room.

Kerry frowned and then sat up, her back rather stiff from lying in such an awkward position. She turned and looked at Kim who seemed rather upset about what Lori had just said. "Oh, honey, don't listen to her." Kerry's voice was low and raspy as it always was when she first got up. She stroked Kim's cheek and planted a kiss on her lips.

Kim sniffed back her tears. "I know." She smiled at Kerry. "I know, but I have to admit I was still pretty hung up on you." She wiped at her damp eyes.

Kerry smiled at her through her own droopy eyes. She was still so tired. Looking down at her watch she realized she was late. Again. Whoops. "Listen, Kim, I have to go work. I'll come by around lunch time."

"That would be great." Kim smiled and they kissed once more before Kerry headed out, not wanting to leave Kim's side, but knowing she had to. Outside Kim's room, Kerry rubbed her eyes, still sleepy. She wasn't ready for the fast paced ER, but she was on whether she wanted to be or not. Several nurses stared at her as she emerged from Kim's room, knowing she had stayed part of the night there. After giving them evil looks they all pretty much minded their own business. Kerry made her way to the ER admitting desk where she checked out the board and shuffled through the charts before heading to the lounge. As she opened the door to the lounge she found Susan asleep on the couch. She looked so peaceful lying there, yet also worn down. Kerry was worried about her; she had been working quite a bit recently. Careful not to wake her, Kerry opened her locker cautiously, however she wasn't quiet enough. Susan jerked awake and sat up. As she became more coherent she noticed Kerry. "What time is it?" She asked, her eyes fighting to stay open.

"It's a little past six. You should go home." Kerry said, placing her winter coat in her locker and pulling out her doctor's coat, pulling it on.

"I'm on in an hour though." Susan sighed.

Kerry stared at her and shook her head. "No you're not. I'll call Carter and have him come in early. He got off a little too early last night anyway."

"Oh, Kerry you don't have to do that." Susan shook her head. "I'll be fine."

"No, you won't. You look dead. Go home, get some sleep and you can come back and take over Carter's shift tonight." Kerry suggested.

Susan reluctantly gave her a smile. "Thanks, Kerry." Susan got up and rearranged the couch, then went to her locker. "Were you here last night? I could have sworn I saw you."

Kerry nodded. "Yeah, I came to see Kim."

"Oh, are you guys' friends?" Susan frowned, heading over to get herself a cup of coffee.

Kerry turned and looked at her, closing her locker then leaning against it. "No, no. We're...well…I think, as it stands, we're together, again." Kerry shrugged, rather confused as to what exactly Kim was to her at the moment. She didn't know if they were officially dating again or not.

Susan looked a bit taken aback by this. "Wait so you're…"

"Gay? Yes." Kerry nodded, looking down at the floor.

"Oh," Susan wasn't sure how to react to this. "Well, um, good for you." She said enthusiastically.

"Lewis, you don't have to pretend."

"No, really. Good for you. I'm glad you've found someone." Susan nodded, "really."

Susan left, glad to get to go home and sleep for a change. Kerry called Carter, intending on asking him if he thought Kim would be okay if she took her home with her that night. However when he got there he referred Kerry to Corday.

Kerry found herself in front of Elizabeth's office. She knocked on the door, not sure Elizabeth was even in there.

"Come in." Elizabeth's heavy accent called from inside.

Kerry turned the knob and stepped in.

"Dr. Weaver, what are you doing up here?" Elizabeth asked, upon looking up from a stack of paper work to see who it was.

"I came to talk about Dr. Legaspi." Kerry felt awkward standing in the surgeon's office. She felt miniscule.

"Oh, yes, her operation went just fine, everything's looking great." Elizabeth smiled.

"So I hear, but I was wondering when you think she'd be able to leave the hospital."

"Oh, I don't know, in a day or so? Her breathing still needs to be monitored and she might have some bleeding."

"Do you think she would be okay to leave tonight?" Kerry felt silly asking such a question.

Elizabeth sat back in her seat. "Well I don't see why not, but she'd have to have a doctor with her."

"What if I took her home with me?" Kerry asked slyly looking out the window.

Elizabeth thought about this momentarily, not even giving a thought to how strange the situation appeared. "Well you can monitor her and you know what to do if any emergency arises, so I guess there would be no problem. I would just advise you to keep her from getting up to much, keep her in bed, or sitting down as much as possible."

"I would."

"Well let's monitor her today and see how she does. If she there are no signs of anything serious we'll let her go with you." Elizabeth smiled.

"Thank you, Dr. Cor…" Elizabeth gave her a look, "Elizabeth."

"You're welcome Kerry." Elizabeth laughed. "Isn't Kim Legaspi the homosexual?" Elizabeth inquired right before Kerry turned to leave. "I mean, I'm sure it doesn't matter, but doesn't that bother you?"

Kerry looked at her. "No, because I'm one too." She winked and then turned to leave.

* * *

At lunch time Kerry went to Kim, who was looking down at the rather disgusting plate of food a nurse had left behind for her to eat. "Do I have to?" She asked when she saw Kerry enter. 

Kerry laughed, "Of course you do, honey. Here, I'll help." Kerry pulled up a seat and began spooning applesauce to Kim, who processed it slowly in her mouth. "So I talked to Dr. Corday and she said she'd sign you off to my care tonight, but you have to either stay in bed, or stay seated, and it's only if you don't have any complications today."

Kim looked ecstatic. "Well let's hope I don't. I'd much rather be in your comfortable bed with you tonight than here in this hell."

Kerry nodded. The hospital was such a depressing place when you were a patient or family member, friend, lover, etc. of a patient. "So, are we…together again?" Kerry asked, spooning another spoonful of Kim's favorite applesauce to her.

Kim nodded. "Looks like it." Kim took the spoon from Kerry and spooned up a big glob of it. "Here, you try it." Kerry held the spoon dangerously close to Kerry's lips, but Kerry held her lips tightly together in a half-smile.

"No way, I hate hospital food." She said through closed lips.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Kim cried, both falling in to fits of laughter, seemingly relieved that they were back together again.

TBC...gosh it's been so long since I've posted something. I forgot you have to tell people the stories TBC. lol. I guess it could have ended at the last chapter, but I'm pretty sure I want it to go on. Anyway...I also forgot a disclaimer...so yeah. I don't own these characters, or this show. I mean why would I want to do that? What would I do with them anyway?


	5. Chapter 5

Yeah sorry this took SO long, but I just was so busy and then I went through a phase of not wanting to write, and then when I did I didn't like it, but this is pretty okay, so here is chapter 5. I hope my reviewers are still out there! Sorry guys, and thanks for the reviews. You guys are awesome!

Chapter 5

There were no complications, much to Kerry and Kim's relief. Elizabeth came down to help discharge Kim, who looked like she was in a lot of pain as they helped to sit her up and move her from the bed to a wheelchair.

"Are you okay?" Kerry, who was right at her side, asked.

"It hurts a little to sit up." Kim winced through the pain.

"I can prescribe her some painkillers." Susan, who was standing nearby, offered.

"That would be great." Kim nodded, trying to find a comfortable position in the wheelchair. Susan nodded and then left the room, leaving Elizabeth to unhook Kim from all the machines that had been attached to her. They got her dressed in some clothes Kerry had run home to get, and then Elizabeth followed them out to Kerry's car after Susan gave them some painkillers. Kerry and Elizabeth helped get Kim in to the car and then Elizabeth tried to buckle her seat belt, but Kim stopped her.

With a smile she said, "I can get it."

Elizabeth nodded and stood up; looking at Kerry, who was watching Kim's every move. "She'll need to rest as much as possible; I would suggest she stay off her feet, except for a quick shower or bath. You'll need to help her with that…"

"Elizabeth," Kerry was staring at her and nodding.

"What?" Elizabeth stopped mid-sentence.

"I know what to do." Kerry smiled at Elizabeth, who nodded and smiled back.

"Of course you do." Elizabeth stepped back so Kerry could shut the door.

"Hey, listen. Thanks for everything." Kerry said before heading to her side of the car.

"Oh, it's no problem. It's just my job." Elizabeth waved and walked back a few steps, turning so she could watch as Kerry got in to her car. Susan joined Elizabeth.

"You know, I guess I always knew." Susan crossed her arms and watched as the car pulled away.

* * *

Kim laid down on the bed, Kerry making sure she was comfortable before going to hang up her coat. When she came back in to the room, she sat down on the bed and leaned forward, pressing her lips to Kim's. Kim smiled as they kissed, her lips moving lazily with Kerry's. 

"Do you want to take a bath?" Kerry asked as they parted.

Kim nodded yes. She felt dirty, having not taken a bath since the accident had happened. Running a hand through her wavy blonde hair she could feel knots, which could be dried blood. She probably looked like she had gone through hell too. She hadn't seen herself since before the accident, and frankly she was afraid of what she looked like. But Kerry didn't seem to mind. No, Kerry would be there no matter what.

Kerry got up and went in to the bathroom and began running the water, testing its temperature with her hand. After finding the perfect temperature, she let the water run and returned to Kim, sitting back down on the bed. She began undressing her, starting with her shirt. She unbuttoned each button, knowing that Kim was watching her intently. As she opened the shirt, she realized she wasn't ready for what she saw. The marks where the incisions had been made were almost too much, not to mention the bruising.

"Is it that bad?" Kim asked.

"Wha…oh no, it's not so bad. It'll heal." Kerry reassured Kim, forging a smile and running her hand through that mass of wavy blonde hair.

Kim smiled back, but it was an unsure gesture.

"Okay, let's get you out of these pants." Kerry got up, leaning on her crutch, and began unbuttoning and unzipping Kim's jeans. She pulled them off, as she had many nights before, except this time it was different. This time it was with great care that she removed Kim's clothes, not wanting to hurt the poor thing.

Once Kim was naked, Kerry helped her up and the two hobbled in to the bathroom. Kerry eased Kim in to the almost full bathtub and then moved to turn off the water. Kim moved around until she found a comfortable spot in the warm water. It felt so good. She hadn't taken a bath in a bathtub for a long time. Kerry rolled up her sleeves and kneeled down next to the side of the tub. She grabbed her shampoo and flipped open the cap, pouring some of the reddish liquid into her hand. Setting the bottle back down, she rubbed her hands together and then began massaging the shampoo into Kim's wet hair. Kim smiled up at her, loving the feel of Kerry's hands in her hair. Kerry worked out the few knots of blood, and then let the shampoo wash off her hands in the bathtub, splashing Kim's hair to get the shampoo out. Her fingers itched to do something more, just seeing Kim lying there naked in front of her was almost enough to send her over her edge, but Kim was in pain, and so she refrained.

"Have you seen anyone since we broke up?" Kim asked, trying to make light conversation because she knew this whole situation was awkward as hell.

"Yeah, I kind of was dating a firefighter. It just didn't work out." Kerry shrugged, lathering Kim's hair with conditioner now. Kim closed her eyes as Kerry massaged her head. She wished she was up to doing something with her, but she was just in too much pain.

Kerry seemed to sense this, and so she leaned forward, her hands still tangled in Kim's hair, and kissed her, their lips moving together. Kerry looked down momentarily and noticed that Kim was rather turned on at the moment, or so her taut nipples would suggest. Keeping one hand in Kim's hair, she moved the other down to her right breast, her lips still moving with Kim's. Kim arched her chest in response to this stimulation, and her kisses became more passionate.

After Kerry's hand on her breast just wasn't doing it, Kim grabbed her hand and moved it down to her clit, where Kerry instinctively started massaging. She could feel Kim's wetness through the water and began noticing her own. But this was not about pleasuring herself. She knew that was an empty promise because Kim could not return the favor, not tonight. However, just being able to touch Kim was enough for Kerry. She had missed her body so much.

And likewise, Kim's pains were dulled by Kerry's touch. Once she was sent over her edge, she broke the kiss and smiled at Kerry. She sank down in to the water, the conditioner escaping from her hair and then she resurfaced. Kerry grinned at her, grabbing the soap. Gently she washed around ever wound. Once the washing was done, she got up and grabbed a towel. Kim sank in to the water feeling warm and cozy. When she looked up she saw Kerry standing over her, a towel in hand.

"Ready to get out?" She asked.

"Oh, can't I stay for a little while longer?" Kim playfully pouted.

"No, your stitches might start coming out." Kerry reached down, offering her hand to Kim, who took it. Somehow Kim got out of the tub and Kerry wrapped the towel around her, kissing her as she pulled the towel tightly closed. Kim leaned back in to Kerry and the two made their way back to the bed, where Kerry gently lay Kim down. She went to her dresser and got out one of Kim's old t-shirts and a pair of boxers she had brought over to sleep in once. Kerry helped her get dressed and then propped her up in bed on some pillows. "There, is that good?"

"Yes, wonderful Kerry." Kim smiled. "So tell me more about this firefighter."

Kerry gave Kim a silly frown, "are you getting some sort of strange pleasure out of thinking about me and another woman?"

"Something like that, yes." Kim nodded, reaching up to stroke Kerry's cheek.

Kerry shook her head. "Well if you must know, she saved my life, really romantic and all, and well I asked her out, but I was still pretty closeted, so she left me." Kerry shrugged, taking Kim's hand in to her own and kissing it.

"Was she pretty?" Kim asked while watching Kerry as she kissed her hand, sucking on one of Kim's fingers.

Kerry nodded. "Yes, she was."

"Prettier than me?" Kim made a pouty face.

Kerry smiled. "Hum," Kerry leaned over and kissed Kim, "I couldn't say. You're both so different."

"Really." Kim smiled. "In what way?"

"Well she was more, well masculine. You're more feminine."

"I guess that's a good thing." Kim lay back in the bed. "Was the sex good?"

"Kim!" Kerry playfully hit Kim's arm.

Kim gave her an innocent what-did-I-do look.

Kerry sighed, giving in. "Never as good as you. It was pretty darn close, but I missed your body." Kerry looked down, running her hand across Kim's cheek and then down her left arm.

Kim smiled. "I missed yours too." She said, letting her hand caress Kerry's cheek and then fall down to her breast. Kerry closed her eyes as Kim fondled it delicately. "Hey, you got to see me naked, so when do I get to see you?"

Kerry grinned; Kim, the ever horny lesbian. "How long has it been since you've had sex?" Kerry asked as she got up and began unbuttoning her blouse, giving Kim a rather modest striptease.

"Too long." Kim muttered; a satisfied smile plastered on her face as she watched her lover undress in front of her. Once she was naked she turned and went to her dresser and pulled out a white tank top and some white panties. She pulled them on and then crawled in to bed, cuddling up beside Kim.

"I'm glad you're back." Kerry yawned.

"Me too."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

After Kerry and Kim left the hospital…

Susan turned to go back inside, but Elizabeth stayed, staring after a car which had left moments before. Susan, after realizing the surgeon wasn't coming with her, turned around and frowned. "Coming?" She asked, shoving her hands into her pockets. She couldn't help but feel something towards this poor, sad woman. She just looked so beautiful standing there, the wind, which bounced off the walls of the ambulance dock, blowing her reddish curls. Her trim figure was tempting, that skirt and those shoes…but no. Susan had given that up?

Or had she?

"Yeah, I'm coming." Elizabeth seemed to snap out of her trance.

"Are you okay, Dr. Corday?" Susan asked, upon seeing Elizabeth's sullen face when she turned.

"I'm fine." Elizabeth seemed to brush her off. Why couldn't Elizabeth take her seriously for once?

"You're sure?' Susan persisted, but Elizabeth just nodded and walked past Susan, leaving her standing in the middle of the ambulance bay, feeling completely rejected and alone. But why? It wasn't as if she had expected anything from Elizabeth, the one who was struggling to keep her new marriage going and deal with her new husband's upcoming death. Add in a daughter and you would have no room for another side romance. Not that she had expected Elizabeth to be that way anyway.

Susan, defeated, turned and went back in to the ER, ready to face whatever case awaited her.

* * *

When Kerry finally decided to get up she felt rested for the first time in days. Not only did she feel fully awake, but she felt Kim beside her, and that was her motivation for getting up and getting out of bed. Grabbing her cane, Kerry went to the bathroom, and then headed in to the kitchen to make some coffee and put together some breakfast stuff she had sitting around. Once the coffee filtered through she poured a cup, putting extra sugar and a bit of milk in, (just the way Kim liked it) and crept back to her room. Looking in she found Kim partially awake. 

"Hey there stranger." Kim yawned, a sleepy smile ensuing. She pushed herself up in to a sitting position and took the proffered cup of coffee Kerry handed her.

"Hey there." Kerry kissed her and then sat down on the side of the bed. She pushed Kim's shirt up, which caused Kim to stop sipping her coffee.

"What are you doing?" Kim asked, a bit of laughter in the question.

"I'm making sure everything's okay." Kerry looked up at her and smiled, as she felt around, poking and prodding and staring at Kim's stomach, checking to see if there was change. It seemed to be looking better.

"Well am I okay, Doctor? Will I survive?" Kim asked looking very concerned (despite the fact she was being sarcastic).

Kerry looked up at her as she groped about Kim's stomach and gave her a sarcastic eye roll. She then focused on examining Kim's stitches which would come out in a few days. "I thought you went to San Francisco for a new job." Kerry frowned, remembering back to their previous conversation, right before Kim had vanished from her life.

"They hired another psychiatrist. I got turned down; I guess it took me too long to take the job." Kim shrugged, sipping her coffee and staring out Kerry's window.

"So where have you been working?" Kerry asked, still examining her.

"I haven't." Kim replied into her coffee cup, trying to look like it didn't matter.

Kerry looked up. "What?"

"I haven't been working. Lori moved in with me and pays for half the rent and I still get that money from County. It's not so bad." Kim said nonchalantly.

"Not so bad…honey you're an amazing psychiatrist. I'm talking to Robert today and see if there isn't a spot still open."

"No, Kerry, I don't really want to work at County." Kim shook her head.

"Kim, please. You need to be practicing. Really. And Robert has changed, a lot." Kerry tilted her head, a begging look on her face. "Please."

Kim shook her head and laughed. "No, Kerry."

"Please." Kerry tried again. "Oh come on, I loved working with you, and you were always really good…please."

Kim gave her a twisted look, one with seriousness wound into her laughter. She took a deep breath and sighed. "Talk to him, but I bet he won't let me have my spot back in the psych ward."

"I bet he will." Kerry grinned, finished with her examine. She leaned forward and kissed Kim. "I'd better get a move on. I have to be there in less than an hour. You're sure you're okay?" Kerry asked, looking at the clock. She felt like she was a slave to the clock, it seemed to own her life. Sometimes she wished she could throw it out the window. My how time flies…

"I'll be fine, Kerry. I'll lie in bed watching infomercials, cartoons, and soaps all day. Don't worry about it."

"What about if you get hungry?" Kerry hadn't thought about food.

"I'll order something."

"Can you get up?" Kerry asked.

"I think I'll manage."

"I'll come home at lunch time."

"No, you don't have to."

"I want to."

"Well fine." Kim stuck out her tongue and received Kerry's mouth over her own.

"Fine. I'll call when I get off."

* * *

The next morning Susan came in with a hangover, as she had many, many times before. The night before Abby had noticed Susan wasn't her chipper self, so she asked if she wanted to go clubbing. Susan had agreed and had drowned her sorrows in lots of alcohol and she faintly remembered kissing someone…or several people. Of course it hadn't meant anything, not really. In fact, if she remembered correctly Abby and she had shared a rather passionate kiss after several rounds. 

Well enough about the night before, right now she was in the ER and she needed to function as an ER doctor. After sipping some of Deb's tea her massive headache turned into a slight headache. She grabbed several clipboards and headed out to do her rounds. When she returned, after getting word that a possible GSW was on its way, she found that Kerry Weaver had arrived and looked like she was glowing. It was amazing what the return of this Kim Legaspi did to her. Susan wished that she had someone who made her feel that way.

"Susan, are you on this?" Kerry asked, pulling on a trauma gown in preparation for the GSW.

"Yeah." Susan followed suit and then walked with Kerry out to the ambulance bay to meet the new arrival. Once the ambulance doors were opened Susan and Kerry were on. They performed all necessary procedures, getting vitals, stats, everything they needed to know. They wheeled the man who had been shot twice in to a waiting trauma room and began undressing him, trying to find the entry and exit wounds while also keeping him alive.

"We need Corday in here!" Kerry called, as she rushed to treat a bullet hole. A nurse nodded and excused herself only to come back three seconds later with Elizabeth right behind. Elizabeth was already prepped and ready to go and she got right to work, yelling out commands and working her surgical magic on the man.

Susan could feel Elizabeth's body pressed up beside her own. She felt herself blushing at the contact, and moved to the patients head and took over squeezing the air into his lungs. As Elizabeth worked she reached across the table, her hand grazing Susan's breast. She wondered if Elizabeth had noticed her hardened nipple. She sure hoped not.

After at least a half hour of trying to revive the man, rapid beeping ringing in everyone's ears, and some scares, his vitals came back. His heart began to beat again and he was able to breath on his own. Elizabeth stood back, relieved and nodded at Kerry. "We got him back." She announced, pulling off her gloves and tossing them on to the ground and then put her trauma gown in a bin.

Susan, stood back and took off her own gloves, finding that she was no longer needed. She untied her trauma gown and tossed it where Elizabeth had just placed her own and then followed her in to the hallway. "Good save, Dr. Corday." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Thanks, it was no big deal. The bullet narrowly missed doing any severe damage." Elizabeth looked pleased with herself and even gave Susan a smile, something that seemed rare these days.

"Hey, are you off soon?" Susan asked.

"I have my lunch break in thirty minutes." Elizabeth responded without looking up from the chart she was now writing in.

"Do you want to go somewhere…grab a bite to eat?" Susan suggested, feeling rather bashful at the moment, especially since her intent was not as innocent as her question.

"I have to get Ella from the nursery, I told them I would get her for lunch." Elizabeth continued to write.

"That's okay, she can come along." Susan loved Ella. She wished she could have her own kids, but that was no longer a possibility, or so it seemed.

Elizabeth looked up, eyeing Susan. "Where?"

"Where what?" Susan asked, confused momentarily.

"Where do you want to go?" Elizabeth gave her a reassuring smile. To tell the truth, she hadn't been asked out on a lunch date by a colleague in ages. She felt special again.

"Oh I don't know. You name the place." Susan shrugged, glad Elizabeth had taken her up on the offer instead of brushing her off like she had the night before.

"Does Doc Magoo's sound okay? I'm back on an hour after I get off." Elizabeth laughed. It would be good to get her mind off of Mark for awhile. She needed to not think about him, plus she was mad at him. Mad at the way he was taking all of this.

"Sounds perfect." Susan smiled. "I'll come and find you in a half hour."

"Or you could meet me at the nursery." They found themselves standing dangerously close, and smiling at one another. Just as Susan was about agree, Kerry walked out of the trauma room, smiling. The smile wavered momentarily when she saw Elizabeth and Susan standing so close to one another, but she decided not to notice. They weren't like that anyway, they were probably just talking about the patient.

"Nice work, Elizabeth." Kerry smiled and Elizabeth nodded, taking the compliment. Kerry got the hint that she had interrupted something and moved on, her smile seeming to be permanent today.

"The nursery in thirty minutes sounds great. I'll see you there." Susan, wanting to catch up and talk to Kerry, said quickly.

"Great." Elizabeth nodded and then both turned to leave.

Susan caught up to Kerry and walked beside her. "How is Kim doing? I didn't get to ask when you got in."

"Oh she's doing fine. I checked her out this morning and all the bruising seems to be going away and the wounds are healing as they should be." Kerry turned and smiled at Susan as she sat a file down on the admit desktop. She got on to a computer and began typing.

"Well that's great, Kerry." Susan smiled.

"So what was that conversation with Dr. Corday about?" Kerry asked, staring intently at the computer monitor in front of her. She was curious to know, but didn't want to appear like she was that intrigued.

"Oh, nothing." Susan waved it off. "We're going out to lunch. She looked pretty down the other day so I thought I'd try and cheer her up."

"Yeah, yeah Mark's really got her down. He's really sick I hear." Kerry kept her eyes focused on the screen.

"He is. It's so sad." Susan looked down. "Well, I'd better help to clear the board."

"Yeah, there's a guy in examine four that cut his finger off, you could maybe go check on him." Kerry smiled, grabbing the chart and handing it to Susan.

"Thanks." Susan nodded, taking the chart unenthusiastically from Kerry.

"Oh and Susan, would you mind watching the ER for a moment when you get back. I have a meeting with Dr. Romano."

"Whatever you need Kerry." Susan smiled and then disappeared into the ER.

TBC...hehe.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Kerry returned from Robert's office rather pleased with herself. She walked past the admittance desk in the ER and went in to the lounge, picking up the phone. She dialed her home, knowing Kim was going to pick up. And after the third of fourth ring she did.

"Hello?" Her voice sent shivers down Kerry's spin.

"Kim, it's me." Kerry suppressed her excitement.

"Are you coming home?" Kim asked.

"Not yet." Kerry smiled.

"Then why are you calling." Kim laughed; Kerry loved her laugh.

"I just got out of a meeting with Romano." Kerry bit her lip.

"Oh, and…" Kim sounded a bit tense.

"I got you your job back. It's yours if you want it."

"Oh, Kerry…" Kim sounded rather excited, "Thank you." She said gently. "When do I have to start?"

"He said to start whenever you felt well enough to start. But he also said that if you have a run in with him he's more than happy to let you go again."

Kim laughed. "Of course he is." Her laugh subsided. "Well hopefully there won't be a run in."

"I'm sure there won't be." Kerry was grinning. "Well I'd better get back to work. I'll probably be there in an hour. What do you want to eat?"

"Doesn't matter, just get anything. You know what I like." Kim leaned back in the bed. Her stomach was still hurting her.

"Okay, well I'll see you soon. Bye, sweetie."

"Bye, honey." Both smiled as they hung up.

* * *

Elizabeth was running late. Susan had already gotten Ella from the daycare and sat across the hallway, with Ella in her lap, waiting for Elizabeth to round the corner. "Where's your mommy, Ella?" Susan asked, smiling at the little girl. Ella was the cutest thing, with her blonde hair and cute little face that resembled both Mark and Elizabeth. 

Mark. Susan felt awful about him. He was dying in another state and she knew she wouldn't see him again. It was her gut feeling. And what about poor Elizabeth; not knowing if her husband was doing all right or not. Susan had a feeling that Elizabeth would be joining him soon in Hawaii, or wherever he was. But right now she had Elizabeth, and she felt responsible to watch after her. It was as if she was doing Mark a favor by easing his wife's pain.

"Susan?" It was Elizabeth.

"Oh, hey. Are you ready to go?" Susan asked, bouncing Ella on her lap.

"Yeah," Elizabeth nodded, pulling her coat on and grabbing Ella's diaper bag. "Sorry I was late; I got held up in surgery."

"Oh, it's no big deal." Susan waved it off and stood up, holding Ella in her arms. She remembered holding her niece in her arms. She wondered if her sister and niece were doing all right. She hadn't heard from them for a long while.

"Well let's get a move on; I have to be back soon." Elizabeth smiled at her daughter. "Hey Ella, how's my little girl?" Elizabeth grabbed one of Ella's hands and kissed.

"She's a little sleepy, aren't you, El." Susan asked, holding Ella closer to her.

"Yeah, she probably needs a nap." Elizabeth smiled. "So how was the rest of your shift?"

"Boring. We didn't have any traumas. Just the usual riff-raff." Susan said, walking through the door which Elizabeth so graciously held open for her.

"I heard Kerry had a meeting with Romano, do you know what that was about?" Elizabeth asked, stuffing her hands in to her pockets. It was getting colder. Susan held Ella closer to her, shielding her face from the cold Chicago winds.

"No idea, but I had to baby-sit the ER for her." Susan laughed. They reached Doc Magoo's and went in, taking a seat in a nearby booth. Ella, infatuated with Susan, protested when Elizabeth tried to get her to sit by her. She wanted to sit by Susan, not mommy. Once Ella was settled in beside Susan, and the waitress had taken their order, they began a conversation.

"So tell me more about this Kim Legaspi. What exactly happened?" Susan prodded.

"Well I'm not really sure. Dr. Legaspi was a psychiatrist in the psych ward at County and well I guess she just got along really well with Kerry. Well one thing led to the next and suddenly Kerry's a lesbian." Elizabeth felt dirty saying the words in front of her daughter, but she knew her daughter would not remember what she had said, and further more it wasn't like there was anything wrong with being a lesbian. Elizabeth should know. After all she went to an all girl's school…

Susan laughed. "Just like that?" Elizabeth nodded yes. "Wow, I mean she seemed the type." Susan should know. After all that college experimentation.

"I suppose." Elizabeth chuckled.

"So tell me more. Why did Legaspi leave?" Susan asked, leaning forward, her button up shirt, buttoned up except for the top three buttons, revealed a hint of cleavage.

Elizabeth noticed, but quickly looked back at Susan's face. "She basically got fired by Romano."

"For what?" Susan frowned, pretending, or not, that she hadn't noticed where Elizabeth's eyes had wondered.

"She came out to a patient and the patient sued her for sexual harassment, but she didn't do anything. But you know Romano, he can't stand the lesbians." Elizabeth smiled. "Well, I think since Kerry came out he's been a bit more receptive." She leaned forward, her face almost inches from Susan's. "Do you know Kerry came out to him in the men's bathroom on the Surgeon's floor?"

"No way!" Susan got wide-eyed.

"Yes." Elizabeth nodded. She felt like a little school girl again, spreading gossip about the teachers at school. Something about this new found relationship seemed comforting. She enjoyed being with Susan, she felt comfortable with her.

The door to Doc Magoo's opened. Neither noticed, nor cared to look up to see who it was.

* * *

Kerry Weaver walked in to Doc Magoo's to find Elizabeth and Susan sitting at a booth, looking rather smug with one another. She noticed Ella also sitting with them. She wasn't sure if she should interrupt or not, so she made her way to the bar and hopped on to a seat. She was ordering take out for Kim and herself. 

Elizabeth and Susan were awfully close. She wondered what was up with them.

* * *

"Kerry's here." Susan whispered, not taking her eyes off of Elizabeth. But Elizabeth had to look. 

"Well then we'd better stop talking about her." Elizabeth laughed, quickly looking back at Susan, so as not to attract Kerry's attention.

Susan leaned back in the seat and smiled, helping Ella take a drink of water. "So how are you, really?" Susan asked, looking back at Elizabeth. She saw her face fall, her momentary happiness vanished.

Elizabeth shook her head, unable to open her mouth, or do anything for that matter. The tears threatened to fall.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry." Susan bit her lip. "I shouldn't have…"

"No, it's good to talk about it. I guess." Elizabeth cut in. "God, I'm a mess." Elizabeth laughed, trying to make herself forget she was about to cry.

"No, no I would be too." Susan already was. She was losing one of her best friends, it was hard enough.

Ella played with a crayon, minding her own business. Elizabeth wondered if she had any idea what was going on. She supposed not, Ella was still so little.

Susan wanted to reach out and touch Elizabeth, she wanted to comfort her, to hold her when she cried, but it seemed like she wouldn't get that opportunity. Elizabeth was a very secretive person. She wasn't sure Elizabeth would open up to her the way she probably had with Mark. But then again Susan hadn't seen them in an actual relationship so she wasn't sure if they had been open with each other.

Susan broke the silence, feeling moved to at least say something. "Well you know if you need me I'm here?" Mindlessly she placed her hand over Elizabeth's.

* * *

What the hell was going on over there? Kerry wondered, having glanced back several times, wishing she was in on what they were talking about. They were probably talking about her. It seemed like everyone talked about her. She hated that. 

But what about Susan and Elizabeth? That could not just be a friendship, or was it? Was Kerry so self-indulged with lesbianism that any thing such as touch triggered the thought that the two woman who touched were lesbians? Was that it?

A waiter interrupted her thoughts by handing her a bag of take-out and she thanked him, heading out of the restaurant. However before she got to the door, Susan looked up.

"Bye, Kerry." She said.

Kerry stopped in her tracks and looked over at her. "Bye Susan, Elizabeth." Kerry smiled and then left, heading home to be with Kim on her lunch break.

* * *

"Why'd you say goodbye?" Elizabeth laughed and gave Susan an evil look. 

"What? I wanted to be nice." Susan shrugged as they received their food and began eating. Susan helped to cut up and serve Ella her food. She could get used to helping Ella.

"Well you didn't have to draw attention to us." Elizabeth shook her head and looked up from her own food to see Susan tending to her daughter. She smiled. Susan was very motherly; it was too bad she didn't have her own kids. Elizabeth wondered why Susan was not married. She'd never really thought about it, but she knew better than to ask her. They hardly knew each other, really.

"So why did you come back?" Elizabeth asked instead. She was intrigued to know why Susan had just magically appeared again as if nothing had changed.

"Oh I don't know. I missed Chicago. You know I never wanted to go back to County, it was Mark…" Susan paused, "who pulled me back in." She looked down.

"Oh, Susan." Elizabeth stopped eating and looked at her. She hadn't known Mark's death was affecting other people the way it was affecting herself.

"No, it's okay. I shouldn't be like this…I just…" Susan looked up, "He was a good friend, you know? And it's not fair. If I had known I would have come back sooner." There were tears threatening her eyes now.

What a great lunch this had become. Both were emotionally distraught about the same man and there was something else pulling them together. Susan would come to find out that she enjoyed when they were both so vulnerable, so susceptible to anything for a momentary euphoria.

TBC...haha I have a great surprise ending if my readers and reviewers will stick around. Maybe you didn't want Susan or Elizabeth to become a main character, but like it or not the story took a turn and now I have a great ending planned. True, you might not like it, but bare with me. Lol. Maybe you will. Haha.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

A couple of days later…

Kim was up and about when Kerry got home. She was glad to see an improvement from Kim's weak state only a few days ago. Kim was clad in a sweater and some basketball shorts that went down past her knees and hung loosely around her perfect legs. Her wavy hair was half up and she had no make-up on. Kerry thoroughly enjoyed having this lovely woman to herself.

She came in to her house and set her bag down, pulling off her coat. As she walked in to the kitchen she found Kim cooking. Kim was a wonderful cook and she was glad she was cooking, Kerry hated that chore.

"Hey honey." Kim smiled when she noticed Kerry walking in. They kissed and then Kerry sat down on one of her bar stools and flipped through the mail she had collected on the way in. "Busy day?"

"Is there ever not a busy day?" Kerry laughed, weeding out the junk mail and tossing it to the side. Kim smiled. "So what did you do?" Kerry asked, looking up to see Kim's gorgeous smile.

"Oh, not much. I watched some TV, got you caught up on cleaning, made myself lunch, called a few friends, the usual." Kim grinned, stirring the sauce she was preparing, and then checked the broccoli she was steaming.

"Sounds exciting." Kerry nodded, while reading through a bill, her glasses set at the end of her nose.

"Believe me, it was." Kim sat down her stirring utensil and crept over to where Kerry sat. Coming up behind her she wrapped her arms around her and began kissing her neck. Kerry smiled and rolled her neck to the side so Kim could access it more easily.

"Hmm." The sound escaped her lips as Kim's hands began to wonder the contour of Kerry's body. She had missed this spontaneous interaction.

"I think I'm ready." Kim whispered in to Kerry's ear.

"You're sure?" Kerry frowned.

Kim nodded, the movement was felt in the hollow of Kerry's neck.

"Shouldn't we eat first?" Kerry asked, setting the bill down.

"I suppose." Kim moved reluctantly away from Kerry and turned off the stove, pulling the sauce and noodles off the burner and then the broccoli. Kerry got up and took two plates out of the cabinet and grabbed some silverware, setting the table. It felt great to come home and find that someone else was there. She hated being alone, and now she didn't have to be. Now she had a wonderful woman in her life.

* * *

Susan hated coming home to an empty house. She had tried to convince herself she enjoyed being alone, but it just wasn't working anymore. Kicking off her shoes, she went in to the kitchen, in search of something to eat. She had to admit she missed having Carter around. They would eat and then talk until both were too tired to talk, or they would watch television together on the couch. But that relationship had ended and now he was with Abby. Susan didn't mind, in fact she was happy for both of them, she was just sad that she had lost that someone to come home to. 

Finding some left over take out, she popped it into the microwave and grabbed a plate out of the cabinet. She thought about her day. Today Elizabeth had brought her coffee. Susan and she had slipped in to the lounge and had talked until Elizabeth had been called to surgery. They had been talking a lot lately. They tried to make it sound like they were just trying to get each other through loosing Mark, but deep down both knew there was something else.

Susan should invite Elizabeth over to dinner sometime. She could use the company; or more like they both could use the company. It must be hard for Elizabeth, taking care of her daughter, whose father was dying. Every time she looked at the little girl she had to have some thought of him. Susan didn't know how she did it.

The microwave beeped and Susan pulled the food out and poured it on to her plate, just as the phone rang. She went to find her portable phone, glad to have someone to talk to, even if it was a salesman, or the hospital calling her to come back in. She found the phone stuffed in to her couch where she had left it the night before. Elizabeth had called for the first time and they had had a wonderful three hour long conversation. Picking up the phone and pressing TALK Susan was glad to hear Elizabeth's voice.

"Susan?" However, she was not glad to hear Elizabeth's voice filled with sadness, as if she had been crying for several hours.

"Elizabeth, what's wrong?" Susan asked, standing still, unable to move.

"I can't do this. I can't."

"Can't do what?" Susan frowned.

"Be in this house, be in this marriage, be with Ella, be strong…I can't do it anymore." Elizabeth cried.

"Shh, calm down. Do you want me to come over there?" Susan asked, not really sure where their house was, but having a faint idea. She remembered Mark taking her by the day they'd had lunch together and she remembered staying the night with him, but that had all become a blur in her mind.

There wasn't a reply and so out of worry Susan pressed on. "Elizabeth, I'm coming over. Don't go anywhere." She turned off the phone and went to put her shoes on. She was going to go help Elizabeth, maybe take Ella off her hands for awhile, or possibly get that chance to comfort her.

Heading out, Susan got into her car and drove to where she thought the house might be. Luckily her amazing photographic memory brought her to what appeared to be the correct house. She pulled in to the driveway, praying to God that it was. Getting out of her car she went to the front door and knocked on it. She heard footsteps and the door being unlocked. The door swung open to reveal a very distraught Elizabeth, wearing her nightgown with printed pajama pants and probably a shirt underneath. Her eyes were tear-stained and she looked as if she had been crying for a very long time. Ella's cries could be heard in the background. Susan, feeling a little awkward, stepped forward and allowed Elizabeth to fall in to her arms. She pushed the both of them inside and closed the door behind herself.

"Shh," Susan whispered, pushing Elizabeth's tangled red mass of hair out of her face. "Where's Ella?" She asked, looking around for any sign of the poor crying baby.

"Upstairs in her bed." Elizabeth hick-upped through tears.

"Okay," Susan helped the emotionally worn out Elizabeth over to the couch and sat her down.

"I can't stay here." Elizabeth whispered.

"I know, shh." Susan nodded and then went up the stairs to find where Ella's room was. She easily located it by following the cries of the infant. Opening the door to the room, she found Ella sitting up in her bed, crying her head off. A sippy cup rested in the corner, as if it had been thrown away. "Hey Ella, its okay. I'm here." Susan picked Ella up and began rocking her back and fourth. "Shh." She held her tightly to her chest, reassuring her that it was okay. Ella soon responded to this care and her crying weakened. Soon she was asleep on Susan's now damp shoulder. Susan laid her back down in her crib and began packing some of Ella's things into a bag. She grabbed as many diapers and what not as she could and then picked the sleeping baby up, after wrapping her up in a blanket, and grabbed the bag, then headed back down the stairs. "Elizabeth?" Susan asked as soon as she got to the bottom of the stairs. "Ella's asleep. Do you want to go get some of your things?"

"Why?" Elizabeth asked, looking up as Susan entered the room with Ella resting heavily on her shoulder.

"You're coming to stay with me for awhile."

"Oh, no I can't." Elizabeth shook her head.

"Yes, you can. Now I already got some of Ella's stuff so as soon as you get ready we'll go back to my place. You can't stay here." Susan sunk down in to an armchair, resting Ella on her chest.

Elizabeth looked at her and then got up. It was either stay in this miserable place and think about Mark, or go be with a more positive person in a much more positive setting. She chose going with Susan.

As Susan waited, her eyes fell on the couch which sat across from her. Only a few weeks before she had sat there with Mark, tending to his every need, knowing he was going to die. Poor Elizabeth; the whole house must have been filled with memories.

In a matter of seconds, Elizabeth came down the stairs with a bag in hand and some new clothes on. Susan gave her a weak smiled and pulled herself up, careful not to wake Ella. Elizabeth had to get Ella's car seat out of her car and place it in to Susan's before they could go anywhere, but soon Ella was buckled in, their bags thrown beside the car seat, and Elizabeth and Susan were buckled up in the front.

"You don't have to do this." Elizabeth said as Susan backed out of her driveway.

"No, I want to." Susan assured her, looking over momentarily to give her a smile.

* * *

Kim ran her tongue across her lips, the spaghetti sauce lingering there. "More?" Kerry asked, twirling the fork in to the half-empty plate of spaghetti. 

"Oh, Kerry I always want more." Kim grinned, opening her mouth so that Kerry could feed her.

They sat rather close to one another, both sitting with their legs crossed, their feet touching each other under the table. Kim was leaning forward, enjoying being fed. Kerry was enjoying seeing Kim's face, having her there with her. After she forked the spaghetti to Kim's mouth, she leaned forward and captured Kim's lips with her own, tasting the spaghetti and sauce on her lips and in her mouth.

"Watch out Kerry, I'm masticating." Kim said, through kisses.

Kerry's shoulders began to shake and she fell into fits of laughter, the kiss broken. Kim watched her and couldn't help but laugh along with the gorgeous woman in front of her.

"Come here." Kerry said, her laughter beginning to subside. She pulled Kim to her and began kissing her deeper and longer, their lips moving gently together. Kerry's hands found their way to Kim's face and Kim's hands found their way under Kerry's shirt, working their way up to her chest.

TBC...:) :D Hahahahaha. I love writing it is my most favorite favorite thing in the world. Thanks for all the reviews guys! Keep it up. I love it! You guys are amazing. And I need to know what you think about all this. Just tell me. And if you have been reading and not reviewing, you'd better start reviewing. Thanks.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

They had sex. The most amazing get-back-together sex. Reexploring each others bodies, getting to know the familiarities they had forgotten. Everything was perfect; every movement was made with the greatest care and with the greatest ease. Kim had to admit Kerry had improved since the last time, but she had never been bad to begin with. They held each other close after it was over, their breathing still heavy, their bodies hot and tired. Kim smiled, kissing the crown of Kerry's head, her lips were heavy and wet and still tasted like Kerry. Kerry looked up and their lips met for a brief moment. They were too worn out to really kiss. Kim held Kerry to her, running her fingers through her fine, straight hair, now bedraggled. "I have a morning shift." Kerry yawned, turning on to her side in Kim's arms. Kim spooned her, kissing her neck.

"So do I."

* * *

Susan made a bed for Ella on the floor, since both had forgotten to bring a playpen or something for her to sleep in. She tucked Ella in, making sure she was comfortable, before getting up and going in to the living room where Elizabeth sat in silence. Susan sat down beside her, and after a stint of silence, she awkwardly placed her arm around Elizabeth. Elizabeth responded to this touch by leaning her head on Susan's shoulder and Susan, who had unconsciously been biting her lip, opened her mouth and took a deep breath, relieved that Elizabeth had been okay with that small gesture of comfort. 

"I'm sorry." Elizabeth's voice was weak.

"No, it's okay." Susan took a hold of Elizabeth's hand. "We'll get through this."

Elizabeth nodded, watching as their hands intertwined. Frankly she didn't mind. She didn't mind the fact that they were close, or that Susan was holding her hand, or the fact she had her arm around Elizabeth. It felt good to be held. She felt like she wasn't alone in this for the first time. Susan was there and Elizabeth knew Susan was fighting to be the strong one because she also was as broken up inside as Elizabeth was, she just wasn't showing it. Elizabeth hoped Susan wasn't just doing this because Mark had been one of her good friends. Elizabeth truly hoped that she was doing this because she really did care. Somehow she figured that that was the reason, Susan really did care.

"Are you hungry?" Susan asked, holding Elizabeth close to her, enjoying the feeling of her at her side.

"A little. I haven't eaten since breakfast." Elizabeth replied.

"Well I was just throwing together some leftovers when you called. Do you want me to go fix you something?" Susan asked, not really wanting to get up from this strangely comfortable spot, but wanting to tend to Elizabeth.

"No, don't put yourself out on my account." Elizabeth shook her head. "Leftovers are fine." She laughed.

And Susan nodded. Feeling the need to show her affection towards Elizabeth, wanting her to know that she was more than just there for her, she turned and kissed Elizabeth's forehead before standing up. Their fingers still laced together, Susan turned and looked at Elizabeth, a faint smile appearing on both's faces. Slowly their fingers came undone and Susan went in to the kitchen.

It was cold, as it was still wintertime. Elizabeth pulled a blanket from Susan's couch and wrapped it around herself, feeling comfortable enough in Susan's house to do such a thing without asking. Normally she would have been hesitant, but she knew Susan wouldn't have cared if she had asked her either way. Plus, Susan had told Elizabeth to do whatever she wanted, and take whatever she needed. The blanket was warm and carried Susan's scent. Elizabeth imagined all the lonely nights Susan had had with that very blanket, curled up in it, watching television, or talking on the phone. There was something strangely comforting yet erotic about it.

The beeping of the microwave alerted Elizabeth that the food was ready. She heard Susan slip her shoes off and set two plates on to the table. She wondered if Susan really wanted to have this company. She wondered if Susan regretted inviting her, but when she stood up and saw Susan's face lit up and almost glowing, she knew she didn't regret it. Elizabeth felt she was no longer being a burden, but was instead a friend.

Susan smiled at her and nodded her head for Elizabeth to come in to the kitchen. Elizabeth, with the blanket still wrapped around her, went in to the kitchen and sat across from Susan. What lay in front of her was a weeks worth of take out that was re-heated. She smiled, remembering her life as a 'spinster'. It had been so easy then, just thinking of herself and no one else. Susan was different though; she cared about others and thought about them too.

They began eating in silence, but neither could stand it.

"I hope you're enjoying this lovely feast." Susan laughed.

"Oh, trust me, I am." Elizabeth nodded, in all seriousness. "Thank you so much Susan."

"I already told you, it's not a problem." Susan shook her head. "I enjoy having you here; in fact I was going to invite you over for dinner sometime."

"Too bad it had to happen under these circumstances." Elizabeth raised an eyebrow briefly.

"No, this is more fun anyway. It'll be like college all over again. Minus the classes and exams of course." Susan laughed, thinking about how fun it would be to have roomed with Elizabeth.

"I guess you're right." Elizabeth shrugged, a smile spreading across her face. "What is this?" She asked, pointing to a blob of something on the corner of her plate. Susan leaned forward and examined it.

"I have no idea, but it was probably really good at one point in time. You don't have to eat it." Susan frowned.

"I already did. It's delicious." Elizabeth shoved some in her mouth and Susan began laughing, causing Elizabeth to laugh.

"Shh, we might wake Ella." Susan warned through giggles.

Elizabeth nodded and the laughing subsided. A light and airy conversation consumed the rest of the meal. Afterwards Elizabeth excused herself to go get in to her pajamas again and returned. Susan was in the kitchen, cleaning off the plates and placing them in to the dishwasher. She had rolled up her sleeves and unbuttoned a few more buttons on her shirt. Elizabeth found this image rather attractive. But what was she doing? Falling for Susan like this, was she five or something? She needed to grow up. She had a husband, a baby…but that all didn't seem to matter right at that moment.

Susan turned and looked at Elizabeth as she came in to the kitchen, her pajamas consisting of her stomach revealing tight T-shirt and the same printed pajama pants she had been wearing earlier. Susan wished she had Elizabeth's figure. It was so much more attractive than her own. Was she attracted to Elizabeth?

"I'd better go change." Susan interrupted these strange thoughts both were having.

"Right." Elizabeth nodded, as Susan walked past her, that scent following after her. "Wait." Elizabeth called out. Susan stopped and turned to face Elizabeth. "Where am I going to sleep?"

Susan hadn't thought about sleeping arrangements. For some reason she had assumed Elizabeth would sleep in her bed with her but now that seemed a little odd. "Um, I was thinking…well…uh…"

"Can I…"Elizabeth seemed to feel the same way.

"With…" Susan pointed to herself and Elizabeth nodded. "Of course. That's what I was thinking…the couch is really uncomfortable anyway." Susan laughed. Elizabeth smiled and stood awkwardly in the threshold of the kitchen. "Well are you coming." Susan asked, still standing there staring at Elizabeth.

"What? Oh, yes." Elizabeth nodded and followed Susan in to her bedroom. Susan closed the door behind them and began unbuttoning the rest of her shirt, which was really only two or three buttons. She pulled it off and hung the shirt into her closet, only to pull it back out and examine it.

"Shit." She cursed. "There's blood on it."

"That's what you get for being a doctor." Elizabeth laughed, feeling slightly uncomfortable watching Susan as she undressed in front of her.

"Very funny." Susan smiled, tossing the shirt into her dirty clothes pile which looked like it was growing. "I hardly have time to get anything washed!" Susan explained, not wanting Elizabeth to think she was messy.

"Me either. Try having a baby." Elizabeth laughed and then sat on the bed, gathering the blanket, which she had placed on the bed while changing earlier, around herself.

"Must be crazy." Susan kept her back to Elizabeth while pulling off her bra and pulling a shirt on. She unbuttoned and unzipped her pants and then went to her dresser to find some pajama bottoms. She knew anything she put on would look silly compared to Elizabeth who looked amazing in almost anything.

But Elizabeth couldn't have cared less what Susan was wearing. She kept her eyes trained on her, watching her every movement. She longed to help Susan undress…no these thoughts had to stop. She must be mixing her emotions up. It was Mark she longed for and Susan was the one standing in front of her. Yes, that's what it was.

Once Susan was finished dressing, she went in to the bathroom to brush her teeth and then came back out, sitting on her messy bed. Elizabeth got up and allowed Susan to rearrange the sheets. When the bed was intact, Susan pulled down the covers and slipped in, Elizabeth following suit.

"I have to work in the morning; Kerry just loves to schedule me then." Susan sounded exhausted.

"Me too." Elizabeth wiggled around until she found a comfortable position. Susan watched her and then turned on her side so that she was facing Elizabeth. Elizabeth longed for Susan's touch. The way it had felt when they were sitting on the couch together, that's how she wanted to fall asleep. Susan seemed to sense this, but was unsure of how to approach it. She began to reach out, but then recoiled, but then with Elizabeth's approving look, she let her arm rest over Elizabeth's stomach.

The night progressed on awkwardly, neither really sleeping, but both silent, moving around quite a bit. At one point Elizabeth's hand grazed over Susan's breast and Susan's eyes opened. She looked over at Elizabeth, whose eyes were closed, and frowned. Was she really asleep?

"Liz?" Susan whispered, her voice soft and raspy. Liz was Susan's nickname for Elizabeth, she had taken to calling her that, since Robert seemed to have taken Lizzie and Lizzie had too many memories behind it. Susan moved closer to Elizabeth, staring down at her.

Elizabeth's eyes flashed open and they found themselves face to face. "Sorry." Elizabeth looked away.

"No, it's okay." Susan nodded.

Elizabeth nodded, looking at Susan and then away, and then back at her. Susan kept her eyes fixed on Elizabeth, darting from her eyes to her lips. She wondered how Elizabeth would react if she kissed her. Frankly she didn't think she would care. Susan gently wrapped her arms around Elizabeth, holding her close to herself. Elizabeth reached up and returned the hug, clinging to the comfort of Susan's body, pulling it to her. Their breast meshed together, their faces right next to each others. Susan felt the tears falling from Elizabeth's eyes against her cheek and turned, gently kissing the tears as they fell, a salty taste invading her lips and mouth. And soon they were mouth to mouth, kissing desperately, yet lovingly. Their kisses continued without pause or a need for pause.

Once both became too tired to carry on the kissing, they just held one another until both fell into a sleep like state. It wasn't really sleep because both seemed aware of each other the entire night. Before they both wanted it to, Susan's alarm started going off.

Susan detached one of her arms from around Elizabeth and hit the off button, wrapping her arm gently back around Elizabeth and kissing her to wake her up. Elizabeth awoke smiling. She leaned up and kissed Susan. "We should get up."

"You're right." Susan said unenthusiastically. "You can take the shower first and I'll go get Ella ready." Susan offered after they kissed and reluctantly detached from one another.

"Okay." Elizabeth was glad Susan was there to help.

Both stumbled sleepily out of the warm bed, which both longed to get back in to, and went there separate ways. Once everyone was ready they sat down and ate breakfast like one big happy family and then went to go catch the El to the hospital for another wonderful day in the ER.

TBC...I know I know! We all want more Kerry/Kim action...just wait a minute. I'll try. And the surprise twist I was thinking of might not happen. I'm not really sure. It would be kind of weird...so maybe this will be a predictable story. Oh well. Review! I love reviews and reviewers! Tell me what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Reality seemed to settle in as Elizabeth cut in to an older man and began working her surgical magic on him. The hospital reminded Elizabeth so much of Mark and she felt guilty for what Susan and she had shared the night before. She suddenly felt like avoiding her, afraid of what seeing her would do. However in the middle of surgery Elizabeth got a phone call she couldn't avoid.

"Its dad, he's sick." Rachel was crying on the other end.

Oh God, it was almost time. Elizabeth told Rachel to not worry about it; she was on her way. Elizabeth was going to Hawaii, she knew she had to. Robert allowed her to leave the surgery she had been working on and Elizabeth went down to the ER, absentmindedly really. She walked around for awhile until she spotted Susan finishing up with a patient.

Kerry happened to walk by. "Hey Elizabeth can you come look at this patient."

"Not now, Kerry." Elizabeth muttered under her breath, her eyes focused intently on Susan.

Kerry followed her gaze and found Susan at the end of it. She frowned, rather confused as to what was going on, but then moved on to find another surgeon.

When Susan was done with the patient she turned and upon spotting Elizabeth staring at her she smiled and began walking towards her. Once she got to her, however, Elizabeth grabbed her arm and pulled her in to the supply closet. "What's wrong?" Susan asked, stroking Elizabeth's cheek.

Elizabeth fell for Susan's touch, she needed her. She couldn't avoid her. "It's Mark." Elizabeth looked down.

"Oh," Susan wrapped an arm around Elizabeth, looking motherly concerned.

"He's getting worse and I'm afraid I'm going to have to go to him." Elizabeth fought back the tears.

Susan wished she could do something, but she couldn't offer to take Ella, because Ella would most likely go with Elizabeth to see her father for the last time, and she couldn't really go with Elizabeth, as much as she wanted to, it would just be too awkward. This was more of a family moment, one in which she was not a part of.

"Shh." Susan held Elizabeth to her, letting her cry on her shoulder, rocking her back and fourth. Elizabeth turned to Susan, capturing her lips in her own. She loved the softness of Susan's lips, the way they felt.

"I wish you could…"

"I know, but I'll be here when you get back." Susan assured her, knowing that when she did get back their "relationship" would be different.

They kissed again and then Elizabeth pulled away. "I have to go get Ella. I'll call you. I will. I need you." Elizabeth couldn't pull herself away from Susan.

"Okay." Susan nodded, figuring she wouldn't hear from Elizabeth and also knowing Elizabeth only thought she needed her, but in fact she did not. She needed Mark. After kissing one last time, Elizabeth left. Susan stayed in the supply room, leaning against the wall. Her hands sunk down into her pockets and she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. The tears began slipping through her eyelids, running down her cheeks.

She heard the door to the supply closet open and turned away, wiping frantically at her tears. "Susan?" Oh God, it was Abby. Damn.

"Yes." Susan nodded without turning around, but Abby knew something was up. She moved around Susan so that they were facing and looked at her. She knew she had been crying, and probably still was.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Abby asked, placing a reassuring hand on Susan's arm.

Susan shook her head no.

"Do you want to go get some fresh air?" Abby suggested.

Susan shook her head yes.

"Okay, come on." Abby wrapped an arm around Susan and the two began walking through the hospital, avoiding as many people as possible. They went up a staircase and up on to the ruff top. Abby pulled out a cigarette and lit it, leaning against the side of the building. Susan watched as she took a drag on the cigarette and then reached out, taking it from her. After a nice long inhalation and exhalation she felt a bit more relaxed. She had forgotten how nice it was to smoke, although she knew it was very bad for her.

Abby lit another cigarette and the two stood, smoking, and looking at the great Chicago view.

"It's not what you think." Susan whispered.

"I know." Abby nodded, exhaling a cloud of smoke which dissolved in to the air above her head. She turned and leaned her back against the side of the wall, which protected them from falling twelve flights down to the ground, and studied Susan's face which looked sad, horrified, and confused. "Susan, I'm not going to judge you. Whether you're a lesbian or bisexual…it really doesn't matter to me."

Susan shrugged. "I know it doesn't."

"So what's wrong?" Abby prodded.

Susan exhaled a long stream of smoke and leaned forward a bit more. "Elizabeth left to go see Mark. He's dying."

Abby nodded. "You're afraid that's going to change your relationship?" Abby just seemed to know everything.

Susan stood up and looked at Abby, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Do you think that's selfish?"

"No, you obviously care about her and you want to help her, but somehow it became a bit more intimate and you like that." Abby soothed Susan's concern, smiling at her. Susan hesitated a moment, but then smiled back. "So…how intimate…"

"Abby…" Susan gave her a look.

"Sorry." Abby backed off, feeling like she had just over stepped a boundary, but Susan sighed and told her.

"We only kissed…a lot. And no, we haven't had sex. I wouldn't do that to her."

"But you would do it…" Abby egged her on.

"Abby!" Susan said, annoyed, yet a bit playful. Turning away from Abby, she stared at a building far off in the distance. Taking a drag on her cigarette, she nodded. "Yeah I would, if she felt the same way."

"I'll bet she calls you tonight." Abby tried to cheer Susan up.

"I'll bet she doesn't." Susan rolled her eyes, tapping the cigarette free of ashes and then folding her arms. "I bet she'll arrive in Hawaii, see Mark and never want to leave his side until he dies." God, how sad did that sound. Mark dying, it still didn't seem right.

"Have you thought of who she'll turn to when he does…die?" Abby couldn't quite grasp the whole situation either.

Susan stood still for a moment. She hadn't thought about the afterwards, she just figured his death would send her in to mourning and she wouldn't want to be with anyone. "Yes, I have. But if you lost your husband, wouldn't you not ever want to be with anyone…at least not for awhile?"

"I guess, but you could still just be there for her as a friend until she's ready." Abby suggested.

Susan hadn't thought about it. Maybe she could play Elizabeth's friend, it would still give her a chance to be with her, but without being being with her. And with women it was different, it wouldn't seem like Elizabeth was cheating. It would be different if Susan were a man, it would probably be harder for Elizabeth to come back to her then. But somehow Susan felt a little surer of how all of this would turn out. Just as she was about to agree with Abby she felt her beeper going off at her side. "Damn, I have to go." Looking up she smiled at Abby. "Thank you so much…and thanks for the smoke."

"Anytime." Abby smiled.

Susan began heading towards the doorway to the stairwell but then turned around. "How did you know…about me?"

Abby smiled. "I saw the way you and Elizabeth were exchanging glances, staring at one another. You catch on to these things." She shrugged, "and I kind of overheard you talking in the supply closet."

"Abby! I'm going to kill you." Susan, remembering the beeper in her hand, added, "but not right now."

"Oh thank goodness, she's going to spare me!" Abby laughed and Susan smiled as she darted through the door and back down to the ER to greet an incoming GSW.

* * *

Kim was busy assessing a patient when Susan finally pulled out trauma room 2 looking worn out from trying to regain a heart beat so they could take the boy, who was shot, up to the OR. She brushed her wrist across her forehead, wishing Elizabeth had been in there with her. She already missed having Elizabeth around. However, looking up she noticed Kim Legaspi standing in front of her with a clipboard pressed against her side as she wrote on it. 

"Dr. Legaspi?" Susan frowned, hoping it was her.

"Dr. Lewis!" Kim cried, turning to face her. "Thank you for those pain killers, they really helped."

Susan smiled. "Well I'm glad…call me Susan."

"Call me Kim." Kim grinned and they began walking down the hall.

"So you're working here."

"Yeah, Kerry talked to Robert and he rehired me. It's not what I had in mind, but it's better than no job." Kim shrugged.

"Well you know what they say, you can never leave County. Look at me! I came back." Susan laughed.

"So I hear." Kim nodded and smiled as they reached the Doctor's Lounge.

"So you're doing better. There's no problem with anything?" Susan studied her before entering the Lounge.

"I'm fine. I just take a few pills if the pain starts, but frankly it hasn't been hurting me that much." Kim's smile widened. She had a charming smile.

"That's good." Susan smiled back. What was this? School girl flirting? Yes, she found Kim attractive, but for one she needed Elizabeth, and for two Kim was taken. Kerry would be pissed if Susan took Kim from her, too. She laughed at the silliness of even thinking she stood a chance with Kim.

"What are you thinking about?" Kim eyed her.

"Nothing." Susan grinned. "Coffee?" She pushed open the lounge door and stepped in, both finding Kerry hunched over the table, paper spread out in front of her and the telephone pressed against her ear.

"No! I don't think that would be a smart decision. You should wait until next years…yes, I do have them, but I don't…" Susan and Kim exchanged glances and then headed in, staying as quiet as possible until Kerry was off the phone. Susan went to the coffee pot and began pouring three cups of coffee, asking Kim what she wanted in hers by gesturing with her hands. Kim sat down by Kerry and stroked her cheek. Susan noticed this motion and suddenly felt envious. Elizabeth was, by now, so far away. Susan wanted to be with her, to touch her the way Kim could touch Kerry whenever she wanted.

Bringing the mugs over to the table, she passed one to each and then leaned back, sipping her coffee and trying not to notice Kim and Kerry's hands intertwined.

Once Kerry hung up the phone she took a deep breath. "Damn them all." She looked mad, but a suppressed anger, for she then turned to Kim and they kissed. Susan felt a fluttering in her stomach and a longing in her arms, her lips to hold, to touch, to kiss Elizabeth again. "How are you holding up, honey?" Kerry asked.

"Good, but like I was telling Susan, it hasn't been bothering me." Kim smiled.

"Well good." Kerry turned to Susan. "You look tired."

"I am. We just spent nearly two hours trying to stabilize a GSW victim to get him up to the OR, where he will probably die." Susan said optimistically.

"Oh, don't be such a pessimist." Kerry shook her head, a smile present. "So where did Elizabeth run off to?" Kerry asked, knowing Susan would probably know.

But Susan seemed to get a little touchy when Kerry brought Elizabeth up. She looked down at her lap and took a deep breath. "She left to go be with Mark."

There was a moment of silence before anyone spoke.

"Is it already time?" Kerry sounded sad.

Susan could only nod, the tears threatening her eyes once again. Kerry reached out and took Susan's hand in her own.

"I know you were close to him." Kerry whispered. "Do you want to go home? Take the rest of the day off?" She asked.

To think about going home to an empty apartment, with some of Elizabeth's things probably still there, was not a welcoming idea for Susan. She shook her head. "I think it would be better if I stayed here."

"You're sure?" Kerry looked at her and she nodded.

"Hey, Susan, if you need to talk I'm here too." Kim added in.

"Thanks." Susan tried for a smile, surprised at how loving Kerry could be and how sweet Kim was. And they made a lovely couple.

Kerry squeezed Susan's hand and then let go of it. "I'd better finish up these phone calls."

"Okay, my coffee's disappeared and I need to catch up on some patients." Susan shrugged, pushing back her chair and standing up. She took the mug to the sink and sat it in the corner after washing it out. She heard Kerry and Kim kiss again and then some whispered sentences ensued and Susan felt like she was intruding. She was so jealous.

"I'd better go too." Kim's voice was filled with laughter from something Kerry had said. She got up and the two could hardly part, their hands staying together as Kim walked away, hands coming slowly apart, reminding Susan of the night before with Elizabeth. She had to get out of this room. She hated how perfect their relationship was! Why couldn't she find someone less complicated? But she knew she couldn't get her thoughts off of Elizabeth even if she wanted to so finding someone else was out of the question.

Susan slipped out of the door in front of Kim and went to follow up on a patient. After another few hours Susan was off. She was too worn down to take on a night shift so her only option was to go home, all though she didn't want to. On her way there she bought a pack of cigarettes. That one with Abby had seemed to get her hooked again, which wasn't a great thing, but she felt comforted with a cigarette between her fingers as she lay alone in bed, longing for Elizabeth to be there. She drifted off in to sleep after her fourth cigarette. She was so tired, but her body longed to be next to Elizabeth's. She had forgotten what it was like to be with someone, she hadn't been dating for a really long time. And now after spending that last night, wrapped up in Elizabeth's arms, her body pressed to her own, she missed that contact. She needed it. But despite this need, Susan drifted off in to sleep. It was late, about 11:00. She'd given up hope that Elizabeth would call. Slightly forgetting that there was a time difference between Chicago and Hawaii…

* * *

1:00 am... 

The phone began to ring. It rang and rang but Susan didn't want to answer. She was too sleepy. She was finally getting a full nights sleep. But upon remembering she had been waiting for a phone call she reached out to the nightstand and grabbed the phone, turning over on to her back and pressing TALK. "Hello?" Her voice was hoarse and tired.

"Susan?"

She couldn't believe it. The voice on the other end instantly awakened her. "Elizabeth? Are you there already?" Susan asked, figuring she was calling because she hadn't gotten there yet. She probably hadn't seen Mark and figured out her feelings for Susan were false.

"Yes, I got here hours ago." Elizabeth sounded exhausted.

"Oh." Susan seemed a bit surprised that Elizabeth was still calling then. Hadn't she realized she didn't care for Susan? "How is he?" Susan finally asked, pushing herself up and turning on the bedside lamp, pulling a cigarette out of the pack. That damn nicotine really hooked you.

"Sick." Elizabeth sighed.

Susan nodded and flicked the lighter, a spark flickering at the end of it. She held it to the cigarette which she had placed in her mouth and it caught. Laying the lighter down, she exhaled. "How are you?"

"Worn down and Ella has an earache from flying." Elizabeth sounded tired.

"Oh, poor Ella." Susan frowned.

"Yeah, I finally got her to sleep. Everyone's asleep, I just couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about you and then feeling guilty, and then not because Mark is just depressing." Elizabeth seemed conflicted.

Susan inwardly smiled, to hear Elizabeth say that she was thinking about her made her more sure of their "relationship". "Well try not to lose any sleep over me. You should focus on Mark." Susan forced herself to say, knowing she didn't sound convincing at all.

"I should, but I can't." Elizabeth admitted.

Susan paused, inhaling then exhaling smoke. "To tell you the truth, after you left today I lost it." She studied the cigarette in her hands. "I can't stop thinking about you either."

"You know I should feel bad about this." Elizabeth spoke after a moment of what Susan liked to hope was positive silence. Her voice sounded relieved, maybe she was even smiling on the other end.

"No, don't feel bad." Susan shook her head, she didn't want Elizabeth to have to feel guilty, or bad, or sad, or wrong. She cared about her enough that she wanted her to feel a bit more positive and supportive of her dying husband. "Maybe we should put 'us' on hold so you can deal with Mark."

"You'd do that for me?" Elizabeth seemed surprised by how supportive Susan was being. For some reason she had expected Susan to be more persistent, wanting her to either be with her right then or never talk to her again. But that's not how it went with women. Women always seemed more lenient.

"Of course I would, Liz." Susan tapped her cigarette on an ashtray.

To hear her say Liz made Elizabeth's skin crawl. She ached to be with her just in that moment. "Thank you Susan." Elizabeth was ever grateful.

"No problem."

"Don't hang up." Elizabeth said quickly, not wanting to lose this connection with Susan.

"I won't." Susan smiled, cradling the phone between her ear and her shoulder.

"Talk to me." Elizabeth's grin was evident.

"About what?" Susan asked, butting her cigarette and turning on to her side.

Elizabeth adjusted herself on the couch, getting in a comfortable spot. "Anything."

"You don't want to hear my life story do you?" Susan laughed.

However Elizabeth seemed interested in her life. "Yes, I do."

Susan paused for a moment. "Well…I was born in a trailer park."

"No you weren't." Elizabeth laughed.

"Yes, I was." Susan protested. "For real. Anyway…………

TBC...so anyway...yeah maybe some more Kim/Kerry stuff next chapter? sorry guys.


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